is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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