The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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