My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just cropdusted the office
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
