I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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