Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
