im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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