you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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