I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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