Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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