sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
