Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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