Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
