So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
