It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
