from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
