Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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