Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
wow bdsm is so cute
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
