If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
