You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
