i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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