im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
