Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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