Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
