Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
