I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
