ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
