If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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