Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
