She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
