i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
