the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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