So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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