Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
