I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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