idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
