I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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