he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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