You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
