that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
