Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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