I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize