I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm sobbing to NWA
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
