We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
