I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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