You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
