Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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