I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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