I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
