I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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