PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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