Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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