yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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