This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
