Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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