i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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