id be glad to
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
