I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I need to stop coming to work sober
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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