Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
