Where is the hickey?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
did i just pee glitter
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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