...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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