From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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