at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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