Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
