Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
