Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
